Obstacle or Opportunity...?

Every flower must grow through dirt.

God is notorious for doing His work in mysterious ways... Lately I have been able to witness God's mysteriousness first hand. I can't help but question God when i find myself in the midst of a storm right after praying for peace... it seems that when i pray for something specific i am faced with the hardship of what i prayed for... like praying for patience and then being faced with an opportunity to be patient. Sometimes i find it hard to see God's purpose in what is happening and take everything so personally. The reality isn't that God is trying to beat me up or that I have horrible luck... I think the reality is that I am a human in a fallen world where bad things happen, obstacles appear and God gives me an opportunity to grow.

It seems that opportunity often appears as an obstacle-- one that at most times seems impossible to overcome but through God we find an opportunity to glorify Him.

Thank God for obstacles... i would be a mess without them.

"Opportunity's favorite disguise is trouble."

-Frank Tyger

Success...

So I do not claim to be a writer. In fact i am terrible with gammer. While reading my posts you may find many errors so please bear with me... this blog is is an outlet for my thoughts and such, and also something for me to do while being a stay at home mommy.

This morning i woke up feeling successful. The sky was clear and blue and Harper was in a good mood (which makes a big difference on my day let me tell you!). Maggie was still sleeping so i got a head start on some chores i needed to get done. Lawrence made some coffee in the french press this morning before he left for work, so i poured myself a mug of what was left and added my favorite creamer (Italian Sweet Cream) and gulped in down. While Harper was watching his morning cartoons I just watched him and couldn't help but adore his every movement and be amazed at how much and how fast he has grown. Then it hit for the first time since being a mom... the name MOM. I am a mom... is this for real? Not only am I just a mom but a mom of 2 at that!!!

Where have I been?.....

I think i must have been in some kind of post pregnancy fog for the past 20 months... I feel like I finally woke up today and am fully present in all thats going on around me. Watching Harper play and listening to Maggie breathe while asleep. Awakening to the fact that I am a MOM was quite satisfying... it isn't a college degree, or a high paying job, it doesn't have a fancy name or any of such... But i felt SUCCESSFUL. I think i have achieved not exactly what i had set out to do but something better. How did i get so blessed to be able to witness two little miracles grow and ultimately change my life?

GOD is good

And Then there were TWO!!

Welcome...

Maggie Sue Lumley

born: December 13, 2010

@ 12:07pm

6 pounds 2 ounces

19 inches long

Phasing...

It has been awhile since my last post and a lot has taken place and even more has changed.

I am 25 and even though i am half way through my 20's i still find myself wondering who I am. I am not sure if i should have this all figured out yet or how long it will take but apart of me knows it will be a lifetime till i know the answer to that question... Who am I?

I have many identities yet i am not fully secure in any of them... In all of them i am still growing. Maybe that is what life is, always growing.

I am now a mom of 2! Harper is almost 20 months (over a 1 1/2) and Maggie is going to be 3 months on March 13th. I think this has been the most challenging time in my life thus far. Transitioning from a life that revolved around ME; my wants & my needs, to a life revolving around my family and consumed by my children. Which leads to me to question even more than ever Who I am.

Who is Dena, what does she want from life, where does she want to go, and when does she want to take a shower? ha ha

Life: the process of finding ones self while breathing.

The lesson of Chan

Wow, i really don't know where to start. I guess first of all today is the anniversary of Chan's (my brother) death in 1999. Hard to believe that it has been 11 years since then and i am still growing old and time and changes are never ceasing. Not a day goes by that i don't wish he were here or wonder what he would be like today. I try not to dwell too much on those thoughts because the reality is he is gone and that has been something i have had to come to terms with throughout the years. When people we love pass away we are plagued with so many what ifs or i should haves, i don't think there is ever anyone that really feels they have said all they could say or has done everything they feel they could have done. It has taken me sometime to understand that what has happened has happened and that analyzing what i could have, should have done wont bring him back. 11 years later i have learned to take it as a lesson. A lesson to love and appreciate, to say things when they need to be said no matter how vulnerable saying them may leave you. to let people you love know that you care and love them. Let them know how they have blessed your life, and BE THERE when they are in need. Be honest with them through good and bad, even when the honesty could jeopardize your relationship. Love them enough to fight them. There are no words that i could say that would bring justice to how Chan, his life and his death, have affected my life. I believe that the person Chan was will forever be apart of who i am, and has played apart of who i have become and who i am becoming. I hope i make him proud.

In Memory of,

Channing (Chan) Gene Trowbridge

(2/19/77-5/12/99)

A Gift from GOD?

This week thus far has been interesting... i don't even know if there are words to describe the emotional roller-coster that i feel like it has been.

No matter how hard it has been or even how much it may seem i have blown it out of proportion, God is good.

Sometimes my perspective on things can make a situation into something that it isn't. This week granted hard, was a blessing and i know just another step in the refining process.

I am Happy with the outcome that God has given me and though it is not the easiest outcome, it is a blessing... Please pray for me.

If you feel like you are in the dark about what i am talking about... don't worry you will know soon enough. Please do not come up with your own theories... just be patient and when the storm has passed i will gladly share with everyone...

Sometimes we don't understand, But God's will is perfect, and so beyond US.

If he has put it before me, i can endure it.

Strength

Today has been a rough day.... and although i don't really want to talk about the details... I am finding strength to keep myself together. and am actually enjoying the day with my beautiful son. Today i am taking a break from my phone which might make some people worry, but don't, i am ok. Sometimes things come along and shake you up and sometimes things don't happen the way you want then to or that you think they should... but i know that the Lord knows what He is doing and i find comfort in that. With that comfort i find strength to keep going day by day, problem by problem, and heartache by heartache...

* Although men are accused of not knowing their own weakness, yet perhaps few know their own strength. It is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of gold which the owner knows not of.
Jonathan Swift