Refining

It has been a year since i have written a blog which is far too long i decided.
A lot has happened. I have changed and am changing everyday. Hopefully becoming who God created me to be-- More like Christ.
I am a mom now and being so has drastically changed my life. What dreams i had in the past have withered away and new ones sprouted in their place. My desire is to raise my son to be a godly man and to be someone who knows how to respect people young and old, and especially how to treat a woman, that is now my dream and a dream in which i am pursuing everyday. I have put school on hold for a time and am not employed either... our society would say that i am not contributing... but i am. i am contributing to the KINGDOM. Not the kingdom we call America but to the KINGDOM OF GOD! Harper is a gift given to me from God... one in which i am only borrowing for a time. God has entrusted me to raise him to know and love the LORD. Harper is the greatest blessing in my life apart from my Husband Lawrence. Watching him grow everyday and seeing what new things he has learned to do is a satisfaction i could not explain in words. Seeing his bravery as he tries new things like standing up for the first time even though he fell afterwards, he tried again, and again... he teaches me each and everyday to not give up-- to be brave. I am learning to be more confident and am learning to step out even though i may fall... and not to stop there or give up, but to get up and try again.

I am finding that motherhood is challenging and it is tests my limits everyday. I am still trying to adjust to my new life as MOM and moving away from the old ways of ME ME ME. Now i am learning SELFLESSNESS. Motherhood it is also the most fulling thing in my life thus far and i am excited to see the man Harper becomes and am ready to love him no matter what!
Just as Christ has loved us.

This time i say is a time in which i am being refined. i have been put through the furnace and hopefully i come out pure as gold. I will never be perfect and i can except that. also i can except that those around me will never be perfect. All i can do is continue forward each day, step by baby step... that is all i can do. i think we are all in every season being refined. from situation to situation... Hopefully we allow the refiner to do His work...

in the end and through it all we come out better than we were going into the fire... like gold.