HE Loves Me

Good Morning! I think this just might be the most i have blogged in a two week period... i am trying to be consistent.

Last night was Harper's first night trying to sleep in his crib. he hasn't slept in it since he was like 4 months old. When he learned to roll over it made sleeping in the crib difficult for him and has spent the last 4 - 5 months sleeping in his car seat... interesting i know.

Well he did sleep a little but woke up crying hysterically every 1-2 hours... So i didn't sleep much. When i woke up this morning, be it to a crying baby... i was still quite tired and a little cranky... but proud he had made it through the night! I hope the the next few nights will get easier and easier for both him and me!

Am I boring you yet? Sorry if i am.

As we both got up, Harper got dressed and i got coffee... when the daylight started to peak through the window i couldn't help but notice how beautiful it was outside and that turned my thoughts to God. He loves me. i know this... even when i am a mess, when i am an irritable, tested and frustrated mom... and feel like i can't do it anymore... He loves me.

I am so thankful that today i exist and can enjoy this day that God has made I will rejoice and be GLAD in it... at least i will try my best. :)

Night #2 in the crib... bring it on!

Refining

It has been a year since i have written a blog which is far too long i decided.
A lot has happened. I have changed and am changing everyday. Hopefully becoming who God created me to be-- More like Christ.
I am a mom now and being so has drastically changed my life. What dreams i had in the past have withered away and new ones sprouted in their place. My desire is to raise my son to be a godly man and to be someone who knows how to respect people young and old, and especially how to treat a woman, that is now my dream and a dream in which i am pursuing everyday. I have put school on hold for a time and am not employed either... our society would say that i am not contributing... but i am. i am contributing to the KINGDOM. Not the kingdom we call America but to the KINGDOM OF GOD! Harper is a gift given to me from God... one in which i am only borrowing for a time. God has entrusted me to raise him to know and love the LORD. Harper is the greatest blessing in my life apart from my Husband Lawrence. Watching him grow everyday and seeing what new things he has learned to do is a satisfaction i could not explain in words. Seeing his bravery as he tries new things like standing up for the first time even though he fell afterwards, he tried again, and again... he teaches me each and everyday to not give up-- to be brave. I am learning to be more confident and am learning to step out even though i may fall... and not to stop there or give up, but to get up and try again.

I am finding that motherhood is challenging and it is tests my limits everyday. I am still trying to adjust to my new life as MOM and moving away from the old ways of ME ME ME. Now i am learning SELFLESSNESS. Motherhood it is also the most fulling thing in my life thus far and i am excited to see the man Harper becomes and am ready to love him no matter what!
Just as Christ has loved us.

This time i say is a time in which i am being refined. i have been put through the furnace and hopefully i come out pure as gold. I will never be perfect and i can except that. also i can except that those around me will never be perfect. All i can do is continue forward each day, step by baby step... that is all i can do. i think we are all in every season being refined. from situation to situation... Hopefully we allow the refiner to do His work...

in the end and through it all we come out better than we were going into the fire... like gold.

You are the LIGHT of the world...

As 2010 makes its way i can't help but reflect on the year that is already behind me. When i look back i can't believe how much has happened! i have said over and over again to my Husband that this has been the hardest year of my life. i was pregnant for most of it which i must say was interesting and then i felt the chaos of being a new parent and having no clue what to do... IT WAS TIME TO GROW UP. even though i already considered myself to be mature and responsible there is nothing that makes you really grow up and put away selfishness like having a child! i found that it was no longer about just me and what i wanted it is now about Harper and making sure i provide him with the best atmosphere and love and everything he needs to grow up to be holistically healthy as an adult.
After the child chaos i started having very bad pains in the upper right part of my abdomen near my ribs... well the pain got sooo bad that it landed me in the ER and then got me in a hospital bed for the week and resulted in gallbladder surgery. i am thankful to God that i had a fast recovery and was able to be back to the usual within a couple days.
Nothing seemed to be normal in my life and after having a year of my body constantly changing and then my life as well... i desperately needed something stable... In this year, i have found that God is so GOOD, a rock, and He works good for all that love Him. i can't help but feel resolved as i write this knowing what is behind me and all that i have overcome in this year, and seeing what's ahead... A NEW YEAR. I am so thankful for my son Harper he is such a blessing to my life and would not trade him for anything. my new years resolution has many facets and there are many things i want to do and goals i want to reach but above all i want to be a LIGHT--to be a testimony and witness to God's goodness.!

He Makes All Things New

As spring peeks around the corner

i can't help but think about how wonderful it is to have seasons in Michigan.

every one a different view

they resemble life in every aspect

fall: the fall of humanity. once being perfect now fallen

winter: the pulling out of sin--renewal of mind, process of.

spring: rebirth, a new creation, a new era, a new life

summer: the act of living in God's will, growing in his hands.

whats interesting is that these stages repeat in life all with different situations

we are all growing, always going through seasons

Life, weather you live in Flordia or Michigan, is a a never ending cycleing of seasons

and i must say i am excited to see what spring has instore for me.

Little Treasure

Little tresure deep within

how or where do i begin

to explain the way i feel

how life so often seems unreal

i wish i knew a little more

and asked a little less

but i am still so young i guess

Life changes so rapidly

sometimes it gets hard to see

Just what God has for me

Little treasure deep inside

so many things i've tried to hide

i want so much more for you

so much i want to help you through

but even more i cannot control

sometimes lifes a giant hole

and so often we fall in.

A Time of Transformation

Who am I? This is a question i often ask myself. At my age i have seen a lot of change just as every one does. God is pieceing me together...Piece by Piece, and because of this i see i am changing even more. i have equated this change to being in a cocoon and that in time i will emerge and find myself a tov(good for its purpose) creation, a beautiful butterfly.
As i prepare for motherhood with my first child on the way i can't help but wonder what being a mom has in store for me...a whole new world. a whole new game.